her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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