you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
