he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize