My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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