You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
