So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize