So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
