Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
