I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My penis needs a shock collar
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
