That's when you crack a 10am beer
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
