I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
