so explain again why im purple
no
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
