I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he shaved USA in his pubs
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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