READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
