Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
