Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
