I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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