When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
