she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
