tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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