Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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