Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
