I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
