just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
