i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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