She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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