Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
