Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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