Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
