i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize