Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
