My hand turned me down
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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