Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
