I need to stop coming to work sober
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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