Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
her vagine was all disorganized.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
