If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
