i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
