By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
