I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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