so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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