so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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