Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
