If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
