Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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