Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you didnt know i had herpes?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
