I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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