listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
