Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
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That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
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It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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