the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
