it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
