Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize