My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
