Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
