He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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