Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
