I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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