What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
