sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize