U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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