How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
