There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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