got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
