the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
