so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
