if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
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The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
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Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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