But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You are the jesus of drinking
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
