My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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