You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
did i walk over a car last night?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We're too hungover to prance.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
