The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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